Wattpad my new BFF, reflection and advice to writers/negative folk!

Jeez. It's been a while.

The past few months have been a period of time that I can now look back on and see how much I've grown. Usually it takes a few years for that kind of big-girl contemplative thing to catch on. This should tell you that it's been a whirlwind few months!

You know, I look around and I see how miserable so many people are, and I wonder—why? Why bother? It is literally so much easier to be nice and to build positive relationships than to be mean and build negative ones. I look at Facebook, there are a million posts with people whining about something. I look at Twitter, people are threatening to go on unfollow sprees (if it was really that serious, you wouldn't need to make an announcement in my opinion). I look at messengers and there are passive aggressive status messages galore.

More often than not it's an issue of forgetting to breathe, and refusing to let go. You have to let go of some things. If you don't, those negative things build up in your system like toxins and turn you into a crotchety old man or woman who has chased all their friends away. That's one of the biggest things I've learned in the past few months: most things are not life-altering or bad, so there is no sense in treating them like that. It's about the approach. If you approach something guns blazing ready to take it on no matter what, chances are you can find a coping strategy. There is a way around and through everything, which so many of us have lost touch with.

My advice: let go, relax and breathe. It does a lot more than you might think (and I'm not even a hippie, imagine that)! In laymen's terms: simmer down and calm your tits—it'll work out in the end.

I took a break from working on my ghost work out of sheer lack on inspiration. It ended up being one of the best decisions I've ever made to take that break! After a while, things came to me. A lot of things, and not just about this story. I came up with a few ideas for some others, too! Lesson learned? EMBRACE WRITER'S BLOCK EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. I won't tell you it doesn't bite—it bites, rest assured—but sometimes it's what your system needs. Exercise actually helps me come up with ideas too, I tend to let my mind wander when I'm working out. Not a bad deal, shaving off some of my fatty bits and brainstorming? Madness!


Anywho I've been doing quite a bit of reading lately mostly thanks to Wattpad, a site that I wish to marry were it legal in New York (or anywhere. Maybe Japan? I heard some guy married a pillow, so I should be able to marry a webpage). I'm actually thinking I may upload the ghost story there. I feel like it would be an okay fit. :) Plus, it can't hurt. I'm having fun, anyway. :D

Oh, and bookwise, the Tomorrow, When the War Began series by John Marsden I've been eating up. I know they're not new,  but they're still so relevant. I'm halfway through the second one, I really need to find the time to finish it off so that I can start on the third. However, I would like to point out that for SOME reason the third book in the series is expensive as hell. WHY?! It is no longer than the other ones, I managed to find it used for $20, but that was with some serious digging. Mostly I see it going for at least $50-70. What's with that? ]:

That's about all I've got to say about that, so here's a picture of some cookies I made last night. Enjoy.

It gets better.

This first part will probably sound a little boast-y, but hang in there. There's a point to my peacock strut. And no, this isn't connected to the LGBT community-targeted "It gets better" campaign. This is for everyone.

A while back during graduation season I attended one of my good friend's graduation parties. I knew there would be people from high school/middle school there; people I hadn't seen in years and really had no interest in seeing, but went for my friend (sucks, doesn't that? But apparently that's what adults do). I was kind of a loser in high school/middle school. I had a lot of friends but because kids are mean by default, I still got picked on a lot for various reasons, whatever. We all do. I was an ugly duckling and was full of teenage angst, which is a deadly combination.

Anyhow, I showed up at this party wearing my big girl attitude, fully ready to be judged by jerks/jerkettes who haven't left hs/ms years behind. I was met with a pretty hilarious surprise. Somehow, I was the hot girl now. Ain't that some shit? I will fully admit that I am a hell of a lot better looking now than I was in those days, but I had dudes stuttering and chicks staring DAGGERS at me. I have never experienced that before in my life anywhere, and if you had told me five years ago that that would happen, I would laugh in your face. While it was a weird experience it was oddly gratifying. As mean as it sounds, if someone tells you they get no satisfaction from seeing school bullies/general douche-rockets doing worse than they are years later, they're LYING.

Is that immature? Probably. Satisfying nonetheless, though.

But all the nostalgia mad me do something this morning. I pulled out my old yearbooks—two from middle school and one from my senior year of high school—and went through them in chronological order. The photos of myself still make me cringe, even though I tell myself NOW that it was an awkward stage for everybody.

I remembered people that I hadn't thought about it years, and it made me shudder to realize how many kids are dead now. I'm only 22, HS class of 2007. It's 2011, and since graduation there have been way too many deaths, especially suicides. The fact that there were so many kids that didn't even get bullied that took that way out is alarming. Because it made me think about what kind of things that they must have been dealing with that were WORSE. I thought I had been having a pretty shitty time back then, but there were people who were suffering even worse off.

Much like they must have, I thought I was literally a nothing, and a nobody that would never go anywhere. Then I read the signatures. Signatures that I admittedly disregarded back then, but reading them this morning made me cry. Two in particular—one from  girl that I have all the respect in the world for, and one from a BRILLIANT English teacher. Really long messages telling me that they knew I would go places with my writing, and they knew I that with it, I could do great things. There were a lot of signatures saying nice things and giving nice wishes, etc. But honestly? These were the only two that mattered. And that it because they were the only two that I knew were honest.

I'm out to prove these two people right with a vengeance. It probably sounds corny, but I always believed in these two people and it means everything to me that they believe in me. I know I didn't have it GREAT in high school, a lot of people don't. I know this is different from my usual snark, but it needs to be said. I know that not even a lot of people will read this, and that's fine. But for anyone who does, who might be having some of those self doubt-y feelings, or feel like they'll never be anything, please, please, please take it from me. There are people out there who KNOW (not think) you are wonderful. It does get better.

MORE things I don't get/ that are inappropriate.

Let's talk about more things that don't make shit's sense to me.

How come, whenever we see those dramatic book covers on vampire romance novels, the girl always has the bite marks near the bottom of her neck? The fuck is that about? The jugular vein is up way closer to your jaw than it is to your shoulders. BUT I guess it's not sexy, since people don't usually give jaw-hickies. Regardless, that shit bothers me. It is inaccurate. ]: I'm not usually that person, where everything has to be scientifically accurate, but sometimes things that just don't make sense bug me. Vampires: you'd get WAY more blood if you just moved your mouth up two inches. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

Then again, weird things bother me. This is one my boyfriend will never let me live down: You know that scene in Willy Wonka where they're in the room with the chocolate river and all the edible garden stuff? Well, it has always bothered me that those kids and Willy took about ONE BITE out of everything and then just moved on to the next thing. Growing up for me, you didn't just leave half-eaten shit laying around. So meanwhile, while all the other kids watching the movie were saying, "OMG Wow, I wish I was in that room!" little Kate was saying, "THEY'RE WASTING SO MUCH FOOD! D:"

Clearly, my priorities are out of whack. Good thing I don't curr.

But as far as priorities go, I don't think I'm as bad off as I could be. Since we seem to be in another slew of horrible films (except for Harry Potter—recognized), I have noticed a pattern developing that is sending out some pretty shoddy life messages to children. Now, normally I think kids are pretty smart and can figure out right from wrong with some coaching from their parents, but this is just some superficial nonsense. There are a lot of movies these days where the main character is rejected by their crush at first when said main character is unattractive. Then, they get some sort of makeover or change and suddenly, their crush is all over them. What the hell kind of message is that? CAPTAIN AMERICA, I'm looking at you. #sideeye


Speaking of kids, I miss mine. I had a classroom last summer, where I was a job trainer for 13-17 year olds. Now, I stayed really close with my supervisor/colleagues from that job, so I went back to visit yesterday and it made me super nostalgic. I really like working with teenagers. "But aren't kids brats?!" Well sure, but I've met more bratty adults tbqh. If they respect you, and you respect them, what's the problem? Anyway, since I work at home it was elating to spend time with that many other people that I had missed all at once, and really inspiring. I came home and just wanted to DO stuff. Of course, then I came off of my caramel machiatto high and felt more tired than I had felt in my whole life. And then I got too tired to write.

Inspiration fail!

#AMWRITING FINALLY and some stuff I don't get.

Let's start with all the crap I don't get.

1. Why we needed another Planet of the Apes movie, even if it DOES feature Lord Thomas Feltonsworth III.
2. How my sister doesn't see that she's a a borderline hoarder.
3. Why I can never get cravings for things that are healthy.
4. Cody Simpson.
5. How Friends with Benefits is ANY different from No Strings Attached. #icant with these shitty movies.
6. How/why I have and keep getting these health problems.

So my hair finally started growing back in. I got pretty sick last year around this time and it was like a health-fail snowball effect from June up through about February, in and out of doctors' offices every week. Long story short, I lost a lot of hair and it thinned out and looked like  a crappy Halloween wig, I hacked off four inches so it wouldn't look so thin, it finally started growing back in  over the past few months. As for the shitty part? It's started coming out again. And I'm getting carpal tunnel. #mylifeisbelowaverage  <= JK. I love my life—I just don't get lucky in it very often in the health department. Oh well, take all kinds (of fail).

In some cool news, I'm kicking myself in the ass and finally sitting down to jot out some scenes. I've decided to fuck going in order. I can't and I have too many other, better ideas floating around, that I figure the beginning will come to me eventually. It's more fun working like this, anyway! Ghosty goodness is coming my way, followed by a good hard sleep in my new mattress. Praise the lawwwd, my other bed had been broken for six years. My back is basically a pretzel, yes.

GAME: blouses.

I can't.

I had a conversation with my boyfriend the other day about how disappointed we were with the toy industry these days. Not that I'm all that old (22 years young), but back when I was a kid every other year there would be some awesome, viral toy that parents would HERD to Toys R Us and stand in line for hours to buy. Tamagochis, anyone? Tickle Me Elmo, Furbies? We LOVED that shit back in the 90s. But it's been years since anything has had that kind of hype.

Kids' toys these days suck. My Spongebob fest was rudely interrupted this morning by a commercial for some teletubbie-looking animal that squirms around and has BLUBBER WHEN IT DOES SO, and talks back when prompted by some cheap keywords. The thing's voice is AUTO-TUNED. I CAN'T.

In other (good) news, they're bringing back 90s All That and maybe some other shows! Way to go guys; I knew that if we all bitched and moaned at Nick's execs enough they'd have no choice but to listen to us eventually. POINT: Oldass 90s Kids.

Well, way to get yourself way off topic there, Kate. Anyhow I've been noticing something weird. I know that a lot of people base their books' characters on real people. But lately, I've found myself searching out my characters' traits in people. It's helped put a lot of things in perspective, which is nice!  I wish I had more time to work on it, though. I've got every chapter outlined, now it's just sitting there waiting to be fleshed out and I seriously just don't have the time. I work a lot. I'm all for being a novelist, but I'm a realistic one and don't plan on starving in a box for any amount of time. #gurlno.

I WENT CHERRY PICKING YESTERDAY. Look at these cuteass cherries in the tree.

First time I've ever gone to pick anything. /Cool story, bro.

I miss Mexico.

I miss Mexico.

That whole trip, everyone was so damn chivalrous. Taking my orders first, making sure I was taken care of and opening doors for me and stuff. I mean, I don't need it on a regular basis or anything, but it was kind of amusing! Cozumel was gorgeous and I want to go back. I'm not even gonna lie, my skin was super soft the whole time. Then we landed back in dry-ass New Jersey, I got back home to NY and no amount of moisturizer has been able to save me since.

I've been thinking about settings for the past day or two. My current WIP is set around here—it's an area I know well and the weather patterns and scenery fit the story. But I think for my next one I need more of a hot weather place. Florida's personality doesn't really fit, neither does the V.I.'s. There is this perfect little underwater cave that we found in Virgin Gorda that would do niiiicely, I have to use it somewhere! I will make some shit up just to include that place, I won't even lie.

It's really hard to get started. I've got some scenes drafted out, but I'm still afraid of touching the opening. I want it to be perfect and right now I'm tapped out and empty as far as how to start! Oh well. Maybe if I stop taking it so seriously, it will come easier. Knock it off, over-thinking asshat brain. ]:

Ghosts, adventures, I hate yoga.

The outline is finished! I’m done I’m done I’m done! :D I have no clue what this thing is going to be called, but the outline is finished!

I know it’s a pretty small step but it’s a step nonetheless, and whatever—I’m proud. Haters gonna hate, gators gonna gate, etc.

The story is based around ghosts and haunting, and I definitely had a lot of fun writing out what the ghosts can do and how they can affect people. Actually, I believe in everything paranormal. I was brought up in sort of a native community and around here, we believe in ghosts, spirits, energies…etc. Okay, example… an example that will make me sound like a nutcase, but ohhh wellll!:

My maternal grandma died when my mom was little, so I never met her. But I feel like I know her, like I’ve gotten to know her over the years like I would have if she were alive. She was a heavy smoker from what I’m told, and no one in my house or our circles of friends smokes. But every once in a while if there’s something big or stressful going on in my life, I’ll smell heavy cigarette smoke, like she’s there. You might find it creepy, but there’s a definite comforting feeling when it happens; it’s nice.

I know that people get edgy when it comes to the supernatural, and like creatures to be certain ways: i.e., the way people flipped their shit when Stephenie Meyer made vampires sparkle. Is it the coolest way she could have gone? Unless you’re Ke$ha or a unicorn, probably not. But here’s the thing: vampires don’t exist. As far as I’m concerned, that means that anyone has the license to make vampires look like and do whatever they want. #heregohellcome

There are about a billion theories about ghosts and spirits that date back for centuries, so I know that what I believe is possible is going to differ from what the next guy/girl believes. Buuuut, I’m cool with that :)!

In my quest to be ~skinny, I returned from the gym sore once again. I'm pretty sure I messed up my ankle when I went on Sunday, because the second I got on the treadmill yesterday it was: "Oooo... oooo this will be an adventure :[" I say "skinny" kind of sarcastically; really, I just want to not jiggle so much. Sooo, tightening up! But running always makes my legs bulk up SO quickly, but it + elliptical is the only cardio I really like to do. I wish I could stand yoga, but the slowness bores me to tears and the "spirit" talk from the trainers or TV personae is corny, forced and distracting as fuck. YOGA. Y U NO HAS HAPPI MEADIUM?

Werq, ghosts and Cassandra Clare's plagiarism

You know, I have a big sassy black lady in my story named Laverne. Until yesterday, it was bothering me that it sounded so familiar and I had NO clue why. Then I turned on Scrubs and remembered why: NURSE LAVERRRRNE! R.I.P., homeguuurl. Ironic, considering that my dearest Laverne is a ghost.

So, "cool story sis" moment coming up: I got a job! It's temp for now, but it's an HR position and HR was always a direction I would have liked to go in. Did a little dance, probably made my poor boyfriend's ears bleed when I squealed at him over the phone. After eight months, that boy is used to it. :D


Excuse me, I need a moment:



That's better. Psych makes everything better. Which is why they should have brought it back at the regular time, I'm just saying. This push-back is going to make me start some problems.

I look a hot mess. Summertime has cause me to seriously let myself go. At least I still manage to go get my nails did every two weeks. But I'm pretty sure my eyebrows are making me look like one of the Geico Cavemen, and that's not a cute look. #unacceptable

So I was on ONTD the other day and there was a post about YA novels that might replace the Twilight franchise. Here's the post.  But there was some serious Cassandra Clare wank. Now, I haven't read Clare's books so I was wondering what everyone was bitching about, to be blunt. It turns out that she "plagiarized" quotes and replicated (loosely, from the evidence I've seen) scenes from other books, TV shows and movies. I was pretty surprised at how angry people were getting at this girl. Sure, I'm a little late to the party, but I don't get the hate.

Honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with making pop culture references in novels, TV shows and movies as long as that's as far as it goes. In fact, I like seeing it. It's a nice way to connect with the audience imho, even though it might not be an "evergreen" way of doing so. Maybe I missed something, but I haven't seen anything that she has word-for-word ripped off in entirety. I can't be too mad at it, even if I can't say I would do it in the same way. #kanyeshrug

Gym creeping.

I think the gym is going to kill me. I have such a love-hate relationship with it. I feel so great while I’m there, but I always end up pushing too hard and then my energy is shot for the rest of the day.

The good thing is that there’s always something there good for a LOL. Today it was the super-paranoid bug-eyed guy I went to school for 12 years with. I watched him on the elliptical from my treadmill in the back, and noted that every 30 seconds he’d twitch his head around and look over his shoulder making this face: “O_o”.

Because I was watching him like a creep? Nope, he wasn’t looking at me. Homeboy’s been doing that shit for 12 years. I don’t know who he’s expecting to jump out at him in Planet Fitness, but if he’s that nervous I sure as fuck don’t want to run into whoever it is.

I have about 15 chapters of this hopefully-a-book outlined so far. I’m sort of scared to say that I’m pleased so far, but I am. It’s got all the ingredients I need for fun: some drama, some dark humor, some light humor, ghosts that look like Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Well. One ghost that looks like Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Unfortunately, this character is sort of a dick-bag, but he’s pretty. I can’t even hate on that.

But now I’ve gotten to the hard part where I had everything super clear in my mind all written out. Now I’m onto the fuzzy part where I sorta-kinda know what I want to happen, but have no clue what order or what progression. I can’t. #no1curr I’m sure, but it’s pissing me off none the less! ]:

I keep getting all these invitations for job interviews for freelancing projects and it’s weirding me out. I feel like it shouldn’t be so easy and it’s playing on my suspicions. They all check out too, weirdly enough. My insecurities might be talking but I didn’t think I was that great to have employers actively seek me out like that. #conspiracy

It seems like everything in my life flip-flopped, at least for the time being. Even in my stupid dreams, which for the past week have all taken place in the DEAD of night with absolutely no lights outside or inside. Last night’s was in broad-ass wintery daylight and was so bright I almost went fucking snow-blind. Maybe tonight my subconscious and I can settle on some mid-afternoon springtime OUTSIDE somewhere.

Obligitory.

The first posts are always so ugly.

It would probably be responsible to use this post to introduce myself and what the blog will be about. SPOILER ALERT: it's going to be about writing! Well. For the most part. When I can keep myself manage to take a break from writing for the Yahoo! Contributor network orrrr editing. Work is work, this is going to be the fun part even if it kills me, dammit.

Responsibility is for jerks!

And to stay on that topic, I'm seriously considering spending the cash and going after BSBNKOTB tickets at Nassau next month. That would certainly be a responsible~ use of my meager resources, wouldn't it?

Brb, living in the past.