My brain is a scribble.

Lawd. Life post college is neither fun or exciting. It is boring. I am bored. I never go anywhere, all my friends are not American (if you went to college in New Jersey, you wouldn't want your friends to be American either) and most of them have gone back to their respective countries. I have lady-dates with my bff from way back about once a week, but we're both so horrible at planning things that they fall through sometimes. I NEED TO GET BACK ON MY GAME.

Ghost story has been compleeeeted! It's on Wattpad, it's part of their yearly awards so voting for me or leaving comments would be all kinds of sweet tits. Here it is: Back For You (Watty Awards 2012)

BUT now that I'm done with that, I've started something that's complicated. I've never had this much trouble constructing an outline before. My process has been something like this:

"Okay first A happens, then we move on to B, then C...
Okay insert subplot Q in between A and B
Switch points R and P...
*90 hours later*
WHY IS THERE NO PAPER LEFT WHY DO THE GODS PUNISH ME SO?!"

Because apparently I can't be one of those creatives whose brains work linearly. Give a crayon to a 3 year old and tell him to go nuts. The resulting pattern is pretty much how my brain works. Go fig.

In other news, picking season is upon us once again! So this happened: 

He was a good sport about it, though. He doesn't even like strawberries. More for me. #kanyeshrug
Also, I love how all of a sudden I'm seeing pilates studios popping up in my town. Where were all of you 6-7 months ago?! I can't even, too little too late, guys. ]:< Maybe in a few months, but I'm too used to going at it on my own. Pssh. Charging my $70 per session for something that I literally do in my living room for free. How 'bout no.

The Robe of Depression.

Yeah. That freaking thing. ^^^^^

These kinds of commercials annoy me. The depression robe, the blob of sadness, all that jazz. Let me just say that almost everyone deals with SERIOUS depression at some point in their life, and it's not a comfy robe, and it's not an adorable blob with a cowlick. Who in the actual fuck is coming up with these mascots?

Now, before I get accused of being butthurt, or someone calls the WAAHMbulance, let me say that I know it's not that serious. I get that they're just commercials, need to lure people in in order to sell their product and sometimes that's all it takes. But it makes me wonder—if they were going for reality, what would the mascots be? A few thoughts:
 -a giant rusty anchor.
-a ball and chain
-hand shackles, along those same lines.

JUST TOSSIN' EM OUT THERE. I'm looking at you, pharmaceutical marketing firms. Wink wink, nudge nudge. Raw reality, that's where it's at! At least, that's what the "masterminds" behind the shitshows known as The Jersey Shore and The Bachelor/ette want us to think, lololol. I miss The Real World and Road Rules, circa 1996-2002. ]:

Kidz Bop # 125,901,384,510,398

Thanks, but no thanks. Seriously, this is what I get for being a woman-child and watching Nickelodeon. These commercials are on every 7 minutes and there's a new CD every week. Does anyone even buy these for their children? Half the songs are originally recorded by children anyway (I see you, Bieblena Jomez), only to become increasingly whiny when recorded by children with no vocal coaches. Yikes. My kids will get whatever they're mature enough to handle—which, since they'll belong to me, let's not anticipate that bar being set too high. Just saying.

Back from vacation! I must say, despite the huge swollen welt (stye, very sexy, please envy me) on my eye that made it look like my boyfriend BEAT me, Jamaica sucking, and me getting food poisoning on the last day, it was amazing.

Why did Jamaica suck? Tourism is their biggest industry, and as a result, a lot of the people are incredibly rude about getting you to buy their shit. Admittedly I got nasty right back at them. If I didn't want a ride into town 12 seconds ago, what the hell makes you think I want one NOW after you FOLLOWED ME DOWN THE STREET yelling at me telling me to get in your van? I'm on vacation, leave me alone, lol. Not to mention they think all tourists are stupid or something, and the second they realize you're not falling for their spiel they get nasty with you, lol. Stay classy, bro. Boyfriend and I pretended we didn't speak English. "EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. MISS. MISS." "Quoi? *shrugs and walks away*"

However, if you find yourself in Jamaica, I'd recommend hitting up the Dunns River Falls (be sure to pretend you don't speak English, they'll harass you there, too. I mean literally DEMANDING tips, which they're not supposed to do, making them sound mandatory. They are never mandatory THAT'S WHY THEY'RE CALLED TIPS. DO NOT LISTEN) and then leave. Legit. I wasn't impressed with anything else but the falls were GORGEOUS! Hooraaaay!

 You get to climb this. :D Yes, as the water is rushing down in the opposite direction. Such a rush! Me gusta.

Yeah. Jamaica pissed us off. Grand Cayman, the Bahamas and Mexico were fab, though! Snorkeling at a sunken ship, pretty much completed my life. :D

Rather glad to be back, though. It was nice to dive back into editing and writing, though. I got a chapter of Back for You completed and I came back to a nice piece to take care of from one of my regular writers. Definitely a fun edit! Took a bit of extra time being laid up in bed with my stomach and intestinal region on fire/wanting to be on the outside of me, but getting back into normalcy was pleasant. Vacations are good, but I have a routine. Doing too much nothing makes me fidgety and causes me to feel like a waste of organs. :D I'm not alone, right?

(Shut up, Kate.) Fine. ]:<

Wattpad my new BFF, reflection and advice to writers/negative folk!

Jeez. It's been a while.

The past few months have been a period of time that I can now look back on and see how much I've grown. Usually it takes a few years for that kind of big-girl contemplative thing to catch on. This should tell you that it's been a whirlwind few months!

You know, I look around and I see how miserable so many people are, and I wonder—why? Why bother? It is literally so much easier to be nice and to build positive relationships than to be mean and build negative ones. I look at Facebook, there are a million posts with people whining about something. I look at Twitter, people are threatening to go on unfollow sprees (if it was really that serious, you wouldn't need to make an announcement in my opinion). I look at messengers and there are passive aggressive status messages galore.

More often than not it's an issue of forgetting to breathe, and refusing to let go. You have to let go of some things. If you don't, those negative things build up in your system like toxins and turn you into a crotchety old man or woman who has chased all their friends away. That's one of the biggest things I've learned in the past few months: most things are not life-altering or bad, so there is no sense in treating them like that. It's about the approach. If you approach something guns blazing ready to take it on no matter what, chances are you can find a coping strategy. There is a way around and through everything, which so many of us have lost touch with.

My advice: let go, relax and breathe. It does a lot more than you might think (and I'm not even a hippie, imagine that)! In laymen's terms: simmer down and calm your tits—it'll work out in the end.

I took a break from working on my ghost work out of sheer lack on inspiration. It ended up being one of the best decisions I've ever made to take that break! After a while, things came to me. A lot of things, and not just about this story. I came up with a few ideas for some others, too! Lesson learned? EMBRACE WRITER'S BLOCK EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. I won't tell you it doesn't bite—it bites, rest assured—but sometimes it's what your system needs. Exercise actually helps me come up with ideas too, I tend to let my mind wander when I'm working out. Not a bad deal, shaving off some of my fatty bits and brainstorming? Madness!


Anywho I've been doing quite a bit of reading lately mostly thanks to Wattpad, a site that I wish to marry were it legal in New York (or anywhere. Maybe Japan? I heard some guy married a pillow, so I should be able to marry a webpage). I'm actually thinking I may upload the ghost story there. I feel like it would be an okay fit. :) Plus, it can't hurt. I'm having fun, anyway. :D

Oh, and bookwise, the Tomorrow, When the War Began series by John Marsden I've been eating up. I know they're not new,  but they're still so relevant. I'm halfway through the second one, I really need to find the time to finish it off so that I can start on the third. However, I would like to point out that for SOME reason the third book in the series is expensive as hell. WHY?! It is no longer than the other ones, I managed to find it used for $20, but that was with some serious digging. Mostly I see it going for at least $50-70. What's with that? ]:

That's about all I've got to say about that, so here's a picture of some cookies I made last night. Enjoy.

It gets better.

This first part will probably sound a little boast-y, but hang in there. There's a point to my peacock strut. And no, this isn't connected to the LGBT community-targeted "It gets better" campaign. This is for everyone.

A while back during graduation season I attended one of my good friend's graduation parties. I knew there would be people from high school/middle school there; people I hadn't seen in years and really had no interest in seeing, but went for my friend (sucks, doesn't that? But apparently that's what adults do). I was kind of a loser in high school/middle school. I had a lot of friends but because kids are mean by default, I still got picked on a lot for various reasons, whatever. We all do. I was an ugly duckling and was full of teenage angst, which is a deadly combination.

Anyhow, I showed up at this party wearing my big girl attitude, fully ready to be judged by jerks/jerkettes who haven't left hs/ms years behind. I was met with a pretty hilarious surprise. Somehow, I was the hot girl now. Ain't that some shit? I will fully admit that I am a hell of a lot better looking now than I was in those days, but I had dudes stuttering and chicks staring DAGGERS at me. I have never experienced that before in my life anywhere, and if you had told me five years ago that that would happen, I would laugh in your face. While it was a weird experience it was oddly gratifying. As mean as it sounds, if someone tells you they get no satisfaction from seeing school bullies/general douche-rockets doing worse than they are years later, they're LYING.

Is that immature? Probably. Satisfying nonetheless, though.

But all the nostalgia mad me do something this morning. I pulled out my old yearbooks—two from middle school and one from my senior year of high school—and went through them in chronological order. The photos of myself still make me cringe, even though I tell myself NOW that it was an awkward stage for everybody.

I remembered people that I hadn't thought about it years, and it made me shudder to realize how many kids are dead now. I'm only 22, HS class of 2007. It's 2011, and since graduation there have been way too many deaths, especially suicides. The fact that there were so many kids that didn't even get bullied that took that way out is alarming. Because it made me think about what kind of things that they must have been dealing with that were WORSE. I thought I had been having a pretty shitty time back then, but there were people who were suffering even worse off.

Much like they must have, I thought I was literally a nothing, and a nobody that would never go anywhere. Then I read the signatures. Signatures that I admittedly disregarded back then, but reading them this morning made me cry. Two in particular—one from  girl that I have all the respect in the world for, and one from a BRILLIANT English teacher. Really long messages telling me that they knew I would go places with my writing, and they knew I that with it, I could do great things. There were a lot of signatures saying nice things and giving nice wishes, etc. But honestly? These were the only two that mattered. And that it because they were the only two that I knew were honest.

I'm out to prove these two people right with a vengeance. It probably sounds corny, but I always believed in these two people and it means everything to me that they believe in me. I know I didn't have it GREAT in high school, a lot of people don't. I know this is different from my usual snark, but it needs to be said. I know that not even a lot of people will read this, and that's fine. But for anyone who does, who might be having some of those self doubt-y feelings, or feel like they'll never be anything, please, please, please take it from me. There are people out there who KNOW (not think) you are wonderful. It does get better.

MORE things I don't get/ that are inappropriate.

Let's talk about more things that don't make shit's sense to me.

How come, whenever we see those dramatic book covers on vampire romance novels, the girl always has the bite marks near the bottom of her neck? The fuck is that about? The jugular vein is up way closer to your jaw than it is to your shoulders. BUT I guess it's not sexy, since people don't usually give jaw-hickies. Regardless, that shit bothers me. It is inaccurate. ]: I'm not usually that person, where everything has to be scientifically accurate, but sometimes things that just don't make sense bug me. Vampires: you'd get WAY more blood if you just moved your mouth up two inches. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

Then again, weird things bother me. This is one my boyfriend will never let me live down: You know that scene in Willy Wonka where they're in the room with the chocolate river and all the edible garden stuff? Well, it has always bothered me that those kids and Willy took about ONE BITE out of everything and then just moved on to the next thing. Growing up for me, you didn't just leave half-eaten shit laying around. So meanwhile, while all the other kids watching the movie were saying, "OMG Wow, I wish I was in that room!" little Kate was saying, "THEY'RE WASTING SO MUCH FOOD! D:"

Clearly, my priorities are out of whack. Good thing I don't curr.

But as far as priorities go, I don't think I'm as bad off as I could be. Since we seem to be in another slew of horrible films (except for Harry Potter—recognized), I have noticed a pattern developing that is sending out some pretty shoddy life messages to children. Now, normally I think kids are pretty smart and can figure out right from wrong with some coaching from their parents, but this is just some superficial nonsense. There are a lot of movies these days where the main character is rejected by their crush at first when said main character is unattractive. Then, they get some sort of makeover or change and suddenly, their crush is all over them. What the hell kind of message is that? CAPTAIN AMERICA, I'm looking at you. #sideeye


Speaking of kids, I miss mine. I had a classroom last summer, where I was a job trainer for 13-17 year olds. Now, I stayed really close with my supervisor/colleagues from that job, so I went back to visit yesterday and it made me super nostalgic. I really like working with teenagers. "But aren't kids brats?!" Well sure, but I've met more bratty adults tbqh. If they respect you, and you respect them, what's the problem? Anyway, since I work at home it was elating to spend time with that many other people that I had missed all at once, and really inspiring. I came home and just wanted to DO stuff. Of course, then I came off of my caramel machiatto high and felt more tired than I had felt in my whole life. And then I got too tired to write.

Inspiration fail!

#AMWRITING FINALLY and some stuff I don't get.

Let's start with all the crap I don't get.

1. Why we needed another Planet of the Apes movie, even if it DOES feature Lord Thomas Feltonsworth III.
2. How my sister doesn't see that she's a a borderline hoarder.
3. Why I can never get cravings for things that are healthy.
4. Cody Simpson.
5. How Friends with Benefits is ANY different from No Strings Attached. #icant with these shitty movies.
6. How/why I have and keep getting these health problems.

So my hair finally started growing back in. I got pretty sick last year around this time and it was like a health-fail snowball effect from June up through about February, in and out of doctors' offices every week. Long story short, I lost a lot of hair and it thinned out and looked like  a crappy Halloween wig, I hacked off four inches so it wouldn't look so thin, it finally started growing back in  over the past few months. As for the shitty part? It's started coming out again. And I'm getting carpal tunnel. #mylifeisbelowaverage  <= JK. I love my life—I just don't get lucky in it very often in the health department. Oh well, take all kinds (of fail).

In some cool news, I'm kicking myself in the ass and finally sitting down to jot out some scenes. I've decided to fuck going in order. I can't and I have too many other, better ideas floating around, that I figure the beginning will come to me eventually. It's more fun working like this, anyway! Ghosty goodness is coming my way, followed by a good hard sleep in my new mattress. Praise the lawwwd, my other bed had been broken for six years. My back is basically a pretzel, yes.

GAME: blouses.